Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
