FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize