3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Someone came in the potted fern
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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