Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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