'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
