Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
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