hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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