The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
