he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
