farters have to be the big spoon...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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