I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
