foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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