If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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