Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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