Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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