Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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