I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
