I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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