I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
