youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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