Sry I called you an 8
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
