Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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