i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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