Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
