you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
