if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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