that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
