The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
