i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
