but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
