This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
