i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
