she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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