a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
