If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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