It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
