i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
