Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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