her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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