he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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