Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
