i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
