Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
