tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
