I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
