my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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