1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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