Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
