He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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