I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
