Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
