then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
