I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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