they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
